I write this in response to Karin (with an "i") Klassen's excellent article "Those beets? i don't buy 'em-- literally". This is exactly the sort of exposition of good old, down-home honesty that helps demonstrate to the world that in Calgary, Alberta, they know something about how the world should work. In reading an article like this, you can't but help assume this is a common understanding, the sort of "collective voice" of the local population that represents its thoughts and ideals. Well good on you Karin ("i"!) for putting these words into our shared consciousness.
What an excellent and informative article! Who can't but help appreciate her self-righteous sentiments of "why shouldn't I come first?" and "who needs a free market economy, anyway?" Indeed, the core thrust of her argument, that these annoyingly small independent producers should just go away and stop thrusting non-generic, mass produced choices in front of her, is a fascinating one. She argues with conviction that her $2 cantaloupe, while coming from mega-farms that have driven every local producer out of business and done away with small-town main-street, is a far better bet for the future than the annoying options of choice, diversity, and community. After all, these latter concepts are purely intangible, while the cantaloupe gets her a cheap breakfast (no matter that the cantaloupe is in actuality a industrial-sized box of pop-tarts).
And yes, I understand that there are many people out there would argue and say "now Grant, our fine country was built upon the backs of independent and industrious individuals, that all innovation not based purely upon logistics comes from the diversity of this competitive environment, and that we can only find truly original and inspiring products through small vendors and self-grown industries".
Well "pah, who needs them", I say. Is it a sin to think only of one's self? Is it evil to wish that farmer's markets, "tourist attractions" (sic) as Mrs. Klassen would say, simply go away and provide land for another mega-store? As far as I can tell from the article, there is absolutely no downside to having a Wal-Mart move into your community as they provide an eternal, safe environment for your shopping needs, and plenty of quality, lifestyle-enhancing employment opportunities for those people who aren't willing to compete on a global scale.
Soon enough Karin's (with an "i", mind you) little acorns will tumble away from the tree, hopefully numbed to the possibility of choice and free enterprise, and usher in a new generation of vanilla consumerism. With luck they won't have to look anybody in the eye when buying their yams, will have all their products neatly lined up and bar-coded, and never have to expose the ugly face of an open-air market to their children.
As she says, I too hope these unchallenged little dumplings of hers can tottle off to university with the dollars she saved and in turn, solve world hunger. Mom certainly seems to have a good take on the solutions, and I'm sure her inspirational teachings of "first crush the independent local population with the mega-store, then abandon them at the first sign of economic downturn" will prove a sound foundation in this endeavor. Future community leaders, I predict.
It is refreshing to see that the short-sighted, ill-informed and narrow-minded still have the ability to speak out in what passes for a professional source of journalism. Alberta needs more champions for the pure consumer, the contributors to the non-intellectual gestalt of Western Canada. I hope The Calgary Herald can become a leader in fostering this idea, by offering more regular bi-lines to such acutely aware individuals as Karin (with an "i") Klassen. As a side note: putting the article amidst other treats such as "Lingerie Football League" and "Gallery: Michael Jackson's Final Resting Place" was just pure genius, addressing the intended audience with balance and measured respect.
It is only through their voice that we will achieve the victory of becoming the redneck stereotype of western culture and middle class America.
Hurray for Wal-Mart, and screw the little guy!
Editorial note: Grant feels comfortable publishing this sort of irreverent sarcasm because he does not pass himself off as a reliable or responsible source of journalism, with all that supposed integrity and forethought it is supposed to entail. He is proudly Albertan, and he likes Calgary, but they do try his patience from time to time. And please, somebody tell Karen (in your face, "i") that I don't actually support her argument ... I suspect she won't figure that out on her own.
Sep 8, 2009 at 5:34 PM Bravo. I only wish my Wal-Mart Beets came thoughtfully and professionally packaged in those form-fitted, impossible to open packages like everything else there. That way I could rest assured that my child would never be tempted to eat them, and instead, just throw them in the trash like all good first-world consumers are supposed to.
Sep 10, 2009 at 12:36 PM Well said, I am glad I left the retort to you. You need to submt this as a letter to the editor, and just so you know, I am forwarding this to Shelley at the Herald.
Sep 10, 2009 at 12:43 PM Hi Grant, I'd love to get this as a letter to the editor! You can send it to me at sboettcher@theherald.canwest.com and I'll forward it to our editorial board.
Sep 10, 2009 at 12:52 PM Grant,
No one could have said it better!!! Bravo. This has to be sent to the Herald.
Sep 10, 2009 at 1:50 PM I hope you sent it to the Calgary Herald as requested by Shelly!
Great fun and so critically important!
Sep 10, 2009 at 2:09 PM @all, the email has been sent to Shelley; the only condition I put on publishing it is that it was done in full (including the note at the end, which is was put off to stave off the inevitable "why do you hate X" questions, and for one last dig at pop media a.k.a 'news').